Gratitude When Everything Sucks

Our lives suck right now. My husband is dying. He has stage four glioblastoma multiform. Everything we’ve heard says this is basically the worst possible brain cancer you can have. Also, it’s so deep in the brain that it can’t be operated on. He probably won’t live long enough to see our four year old turn six and we should consider ourselves lucky if he’s still with us for her fifth birthday next February. In the mean time, trying to keep him alive long enough for a miracle cure to be discovered, we’re at a minimum of 6 appointments a week to pump him full of poisons that might make him live a little bit longer. Every day is hard and terrible. There are new challenges being thrown at us at every new appointment. I, in particular am having a really hard time keeping going.

I’ve thrown myself in to making as many memories as we can. One way we’re keeping memories for later is with a family gratitude journal. Each day the three of us each choose one thing we’re grateful for.

This is the journal we’re using, but any notebook would certainly work. I liked this one because it wasn’t too expensive, it was cute, everything was set up for us already, and it wasn’t religious. IMG_20190215_204521

We’re only on day six, but I thought it would be interesting to look at the kinds of things we’re grateful for at this point in our lives.

Our four year old knows daddy is sick, but not that he will be dying soon. We’ll tackle that talk when we get closer. Her birthday was the third day we were participating in the project. The things she has been thankful for so far are:

  • her first grade geography book
  • her lego birthday
  • her computer
  • wonder woman
  • her computer (again)
  • her ball

My husband is 42 and going through chemo and radiation. He was given 18-24 months to live. The things he has listed so far are:

  • waking up
  • sleep
  • all the people that love him
  • food
  • having no staples in his head
  • naps

My list looks like this:

  • No panic attacks on phone calls in almost two weeks
  • phone calls I don’t have to make
  • so many giggles
  • Abbiewritesx (she is amazing)
  • Daddy uppies for Miss Pepper (he wasn’t allowed to pick her up for almost three weeks)
  • Being Pepper’s best friend.

It’s especially hard for me to think of something good sometimes, but we’re encouraging each other to come up with something even if it’s silly. Thinking of something good each day means at least once a day, even if only for a moment, we’re thinking of something that makes us happy and grateful. That’s been a small bright spot amidst the chaos and terrible that we’ve been going through.

What are you grateful for today?

5 thoughts on “Gratitude When Everything Sucks

  1. This is such a great practice. You asked what we’re grateful for. I’m grateful for you and your willingness to share this part of your life with us. It’s a reminder that everything can change in one millisecond and to appreciate each moment we have with the ones we love. Your family continues to be in my thoughts and prayers. Sending virtual hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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