An Alarming April Book Haul

This should be my eleven months as a widow post, but not much has changed. I survived my 10th anniversary without my husband. We made it through Mother’s Day alone. And I’m struggling. With everything.

The ways you can tell how my anxiety is doing these days is based on how many times a week I’m eating frozen pizza and how many books I buy.

I ate frozen pizza at least once a day the last five weeks, since our move, and often more than once a day. So it’s not looking good on the pizza front.

It’s looking even worse on the book buying front. I bought or was given 88 physical books in the month of April. My previous highest purchase month was July 2019, my late husband’s first birthday after he died, and even then I only bought 48 books.

Aside from a 50 book order I placed with BookOutlet, none of the purchases felt overboard at the time. A couple of books ordered to fulfill the free shipping requirement for supplies for Pepper, A stack picked up from the free shelf at the library, A book box ordered from my local book store to help them stay open. A stack from Dollar Tree when I ran in to pick up necessities and couldn’t help but browse the books too. And then Easter gifts. But all of those “small” purchases as well as my actual book allowance of $50 and then the giant order I placed on the anniversary of the first time I met my husband (I blame grief and a good sale) means I brought a lot of books in to the house last month.

I’m sure some of these have been mentioned in My Bookish Week posts and most of them haven’t (I’m still waiting on 51 of them in the mail), so I plan to list them all here with links to Goodreads as always.

  1. Legendary by Stephanie Garber
  2. Finale by Stephanie Garber
  3. Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon
  4. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
  5. Paper Towns by John Green
  6. Midnight Sun by Trish Cook
  7. Confessions of a Highschool Disaster by Emma Chastain
  8. 10 Things I Can See From Here by Carrie Mac
  9. This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar
  10. Poison by Galt Niederhoffer
  11. The Present Heart by Polly Young-Eisendrath
  12. Mind Games by Heather W Petty
  13. Sanctuary by Caryn Lix
  14. The High Places by Fiona McFarlane
  15. Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton
  16. Summer Days and Summer Nights by Stephanie Perkins
  17. Madness by Zac Brewer
  18.  To Hold the Bridge by Garth Ni
  19. A Whole Life by Robert Seethaler
  20. Wildings by Eleanor Glewwe
  21. The Great Hunt by Wendy Higgins
  22. Pogue’s Basics: Life by David Pogue
  23. The Emperor’s Ostrich by Julie Berry
  24. You & Me & Why We Are In Love by Aurelia Alcais
  25. Queen Red Riding Hood’s Guide to Royalty by Chris Colfer
  26. The Bad Beginning by Lemony Snicket
  27. The Reptile Room by Lemony Snicket
  28. The Wide Window by Lemony Snicket
  29. Keeping the Moon by Sarah Dessen
  30. That Summer by Sarah Dessen
  31. Shiver by Maggie Steifvater
  32. FKA USA by Reed King
  33. Mr. Spaceman by Robert Olen Butler
  34. Enter the Aardvark by Jessica Anthony
  35. Beasts of Extraordinary Circumstance by Ruth Emmie Lang
  36. Docile by KM Szpara
  37. My Wife Said You May Want to Marry Me by Jason Rosenthal
  38. Inferno by Dan Brown
  39. A Whisper of Horses by Zillah Bethell
  40. Back Talk by Danielle Lazarin
  41. Beyond the Bright Sea by Lauren Wolk
  42. Denton Little’s Still Not Dead by Lance Rubin
  43. Down With the Shine by Kate Karyus Quinn
  44. Free Verse by Sarah Dooley
  45. Here We Are Now by Jasmine Warga
  46. Hidden Bodies by Caroline Kepnes
  47. I Will Always Write Back byCaitlin Alifirenka
  48. I’ll Have What She’s Having byErin Carlson
  49. It Rained Warm Bread by Gloria Moskowitz Sweet
  50. Leave Me by Gayle Forman
  51. Letting Go of Gravity by Meg Leder
  52. Life is a Fishbowl byLen Vlahos
  53. Literally by Lucy Keating
  54. Me & Me by Alice Kuipers
  55. Midnight at the Electric by Jodi Lynn Anderson
  56. Monterey Bay by Lindsay Hatton
  57. My Life With Bob by Pamela Paul
  58. Nearly Normal by Cea Sunrise Person
  59. Nine by Zach Hines
  60. Once Upon a River by Diane Setterfield
  61. One of the Boys by Daniel Magariel
  62. Poetry Will Save Your Life by Jill Bialosky
  63. Saving Lucas Biggs by Marisa de los Santos
  64. Sawkill Girls byClaire Legrand
  65. Searching for John Hughes byJason Diamond
  66. Sky Lantern by Matt Mikalatos
  67. Somewhere Among by Annie Donwerth-Chikamatsu
  68. The Art of Living Other People’s Lives byGreg Dybec
  69. The First Part Last by Angela Johnson
  70. The Good Son by You-jeong Jeong
  71. The Loose Ends List by Carrie Firestone
  72. The Way the Light Bends byCordelia Jensen
  73. The Weight of Water bySarah Crossan
  74. The Widower’s Notebook by Jonathan Santlofer
  75. Things I’m seeing Without You by Peter Bognanni
  76. The Darkness Mine by Mindy McGinnis
  77. This Was Not the Plan by Cristina Alger
  78. To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han
  79. PS I Still Love You by Jenny Han
  80. Always and Forever Lara Jean by Jenny Han
  81. Unhinged by Barbra Leslie
  82. Walking on Sunshine by Rachel Kelly
  83. What They Found by Walter Dean Myers
  84. What was Mine by Helen Klein Ross
  85. Wild Bird by Wendelin Van Draanen
  86. Wink Poppy Midnight by April Genevieve Tucholke
  87. You’ll Never Know Dear by Hallie Ephron
  88. Young Jane Young by Gabrielle Zevin

Are you exhausted from just reading the list? I am. These additions brought the total number of books brought in to my collection in 2020 so far up to 142. I am aware that is a ridiculously large number. I am working on it.

I keep telling myself my addiction and coping could be way worse than buying books, but that still doesn’t mean it’s healthy or normal.  I haven’t spoken to my grief counselor since February because quarantine went in to effect in March, but I’ll be contacting him for some help with this as I clearly can’t manage it on my own.  I’m not neglecting bills and I’m not going in to debt to buy these books. But the money could obviously be put to better use then adding to my already gigantic physical TBR.

What’s the biggest book haul you’ve ever had?

Have you read any of these? Did you love them? Where should I start with this giant list being added to my TBR?

8 thoughts on “An Alarming April Book Haul

  1. I can see why you bought a lot of those. Even the titles peak your interest. Maybe when you buy more books have them be for Pepper. Get her library built with books she’ll enjoy as she ages. I agree there could be a lot worse habits While being stuck in, dealing with a very emotional move, no access to your counselor (could you video counsel?) To say the least. Hang on there girl, I’m putting you in my thoughts and prayers.


  2. I loved Paper Towns, and Sarah Dessen was a mainstay in my library hauls when I was younger. I want to re-read some of her books at some point. I’m keeping you and Pepper in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ok. Weird question. I am fascinated with the frozen pizza thing. It’s a long time to not get sick of something, but I know all about it, I had a ritual of eating miss vickies jalapeno chips every afternoon (started months before he passed) until just recently with the move, and mainly because they are quite hard and began hurting my teeth and I think I am getting a cavity. Another thing I have noticed lately is my eating the ice cream drumsticks that my husband loved. I worked at an ice cream parlour when I was a teenager, and gained 100lbs and haven’t really enjoyed ice cream since then, but now I find myself craving things he liked.
    I have recently been getting into frozen pizza and “dressing them up” because it is such an easy dinner, and and with the move etc. …Do you have a favourite brand? Flavour? Do you eat the same kind all of the time? Was pizza something Jason liked?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frozen pizza would have been the last thing Jason would have eaten. He was a cook and loved to experiment with food. But it’s the only thing I can always eat without getting nauseated, at least for this past year. I have gone through cycles of my favorite brand, currently I love the red Baron single serve size pizzas. I try to always buy cheese and pepperoni pizza and I add Italian seasoning, crushed red peppers, and wing sauce on top. If I have to buy just cheese pizza I add those things as well as banana peppers, and turkey pepperoni.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That sounds awesome! I was hooked on the spinach pizzas for a while, adding parmesan and bacon. I am going to have to look for the Red Baron kind!
        I wonder if its the bread that you’re craving. I went through a pack or two of Gravol in those first months. Then I got worried about taking it and tried herbal teas. Now I am hooked on herbal teas. (Adding lots of honey and lemon juice), and I never liked tea before at all. It’s strange what this trauma does to our bodies and minds. I would like to read more about that.

        Liked by 1 person

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